Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Emotional roller coaster

Ever since I fell pregnant I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Partly because of the big change we will be having in our lives with the addition of a new baby but mostly the reason is the hormones going havoc in my body.

At first I didn’t really notice it but as the days passed, I realise I could suddenly change emotion for little or no reason at all. One second I would be feeling upbeat, the next moment suddenly I feel like crying. The person who has to face all this sudden mood changes is of course my husband. Many times for no apparent reason at all, I would be feeling upset with him. I began to notice that this is not his fault but is in fact the crazy hormones’ fault when at these moments of anger/sadness, I would also be feeling upset with other people around me, not just him alone. In my head I would be thinking of things that I’m angry about with many random people. So now I learn to control it by just keeping it in my head instead of blowing it at my husband. Sometimes I go to a room alone and cry it out. The feeling usually pass after a few tears. This being said, still, banyak jugak terlepas my emotional attack at my husband. But I think he’s really clever at handling this. Normally when I suddenly fall silent and buat muka masam, he will nicely ask what’s wrong and wait patiently until I’m calmer. Sometimes he comes up with jokes or funny ayat jiwang to cheer me up.

To my husband, I’m so sorry for making you go through all that. But thank you so much for understanding :)

To my Baby, I’m so sorry if you heard any of my nasty thoughts during these phases of anger, or if my emotional change had any physical effect on you. I will try harder to control it.

The positive part is that although I’m quick to become passionately upset, I’m also quick to become passionately happy / loving. Many times during the day I would suddenly feel so in love with my husband or the baby. Although a second ago I was feeling angry at my husband, out of the blue I would forget whatever it was I was upset about and started feeling happy again.

I notice that I could also cry easily while watching TV. I realise that again this is because of the hormones because sometimes I cry at scenes that I’ve already seen before (but didn’t cry the first time I see it).

It’s amazing the changes your body goes through during a pregnancy. But acknowledging this is important so that I know people around me are not to blame for it.

To everyone around me, if I suddenly snap at you for no reason, I do apologise and pls don't take it personally. It's not you, it's the hormones =)

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