Adam's first day

Yesterday was the first day I send Adam to his babysitter. I’m still on leave but I saje try hantar dulu for a couple of days. In the morning when I left him, he wasn’t asleep, he just smiled at me happily as I left. I felt so sad, sedihnya hantar anak utk org lain jaga. Oh God how I wish I could quit my job and take care of my baby myself. I rase nak meraung je bila dah tinggalkan Adam kat situ. I miss him so much…wah..teruknya perasaan rindu kat anak..How do other ppl do it? I don’t know how I’m going to cope with this. I just hope Adam copes better than I do.

I masuk office to settle some things but all I do all day is obsess about my baby. I keep calling the babysitter, asking how he’s doing. At one point babysitter tu tanya I, “Adik risau ye dik?”. Yes very much. I haven’t been separated from my baby at all since birth. I cuma pernah pegi kedai mamak for breakfast with my husband, skejap je. Itu pun I dok teringat-ingat Adam.

I think Adam was ok at the babysitter's house, except for one small incident. I'd rather not elaborate otherwise i'll obsess about it all day today too. But like my husband said to me, i've got too high an expectation. Eh, it's my son, of course i have expectation :) but i know i need to be realistic and reasonable too. Of course org lain jaga takkan sama dgn kite sendiri jaga. I hope she takes good care of my son, the best she can.

Petang tu when we pick him, dia elok senyap jer. Happy as usual like nothing happened. Ayesha (btul ke eja nama dia kak fifah) hugged and kissed him. She’s my cousin’s daughter – the babysitter takes care of my cousin’s 2 daughters too. How sweet, Adam has friends now. Back at home, Adam keep asking to be breastfed so many times, I think he missed Mommy (or I hoped he does ..hehe).

Today he’s at the babysitter’s house again and Mommy’s at home, alone.

Adam, I miss you sooo much…