My husband

The one thing that has been keeping my sanity, my health, my well-being and my temper in control during this pregnancy is…my husband.

I have read and heard stories of other people’s husbands and how they behave during their wives pregnancy. From the most horrible, to the most wonderful. But none of them could even compare to the amazing patience, love, care and sheer selflessness that my husband has shown me throughout our marriage, and especially during my pregnancy.

Every morning, he lets me shower first while he prepares a mug of steaming Anmum for me. He reminds me to eat a cracker with it, to help with my morning sickness. He makes up the bed and feed the fish. He drives me to work and have breakfast with me. At work I call or email him with pregnant-related complaints and he would listen patiently and always gives good advises and calms me down. At lunch he entertains my every demand on what to eat. And when the smell bothers me he takes me to the table far away from food and makes sure I have my Vicks Inhaler with me. He calms me down, gives me a backrub/head massage and reminds me to breathe slowly whenever I feel like vomiting in public places. When we get home in the evening, it is usually the time of the day when my body and my mood are at its worst. He listens to all my complaints and hugs me to make me feel better. He is patient with my sudden tempers and the constant changes in my moods. He gives me a massage everyday; head, back, neck, shoulder, legs..whichever hurts the most that day. He makes sure I get enough rest and lie down in front of the tv. He buys me dinner, whatever I am in the mood for. He lets me have the remote and even watch whatever I’m watching with me. He reminds me to eat my pills, and when the doctors started prescribing me with really big ones, he sings “Hai obat hai obat mari makan obat, kalo tak makan melompat” to cheer me up while I struggle to eat them. Whenever I’m too tired and fell asleep in front of the tv, he picks me up and take me to the bedroom. While we’re lying down together, he touches my tummy and talks to the baby. Everyday, he makes me feel like the luckiest woman in the entire universe.

For all of that and a million more that he has done for me, I am truly grateful.

I really wish I could make him as happy as he has made me.

I love you so much sayang…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY…

To my Baby, ALWAYS remember Daddy’s birthday ok…he is very, very special..

Weird Dreams

Normally I’m the kind of person who rarely remembers her dreams. But ever since I fell pregnant, I’ve been having all sorts of vivid, creepy dreams.

Many times I had dreams in which I fought furiously with my husband. Most these dreams will end up in me crying and screaming at the top of my voice, usually throwing things as well. In the dreams my husband will be intentionally ignoring me and driving me crazy, which is weird because he never does that. One time, I was crying loudly in my sleep that my husband had to wake me up. In one dream, my husband was having an affair with a friend of mine from university. It turns out the next day we met her at our university alumni dinner. While we were queuing for food my husband accidentally touched her back thinking it was me standing in front of him. Both she and my husband were horrified. I found it hilarious.

I also had dreams in which my friends die horrible deaths, usually murdered. Once, in the dream no one died but a bunch of people including myself was thrown into a field where leeches (lintah) are bred and we were the “food”. Everybody was putting leeches in their bodies and letting them eat their blood. One girl had leeches visibly crawling inside her skin that the “facilitator” had to take a sharp knife and slice the skin near her neck to get the leeches out. It was terrible, I tell you.

In one dream, ok this is a really bizarre one, I saw a couple of lesbians making out (NO, I was NOT one of them!). One of the girls was a finalist from American’s Next Top Model.

Some dreams involve babies too. I had one where I meet my baby boy who is 2 months old at the time. Somehow I was missing in his life the previous 2 months. My mother was taking care of him and he didn’t know me at all. But at 2 months he can already talk and call my mother Mama. I woke up while I was desperately teaching him to call me Mummy. Last night I had a dream where I was taking care of a little girl. This one was a little older and while we were having a bath together she had a poop and I tried to clean it up. But I couldn’t and there was shit everywhere! Suddenly the girl was already climbing into the kolah to play in it and now there’s shit inside the kolah too.

Tell me, do all pregnant moms have these dreams?

Doctors

When I found out I was pregnant, the only gynea I’ve heard of was Dr Kuppuvellu Mani from Ampang Puteri. Truth is, almost all my friends are either unmarried or married without a child yet. So understandably my source of info on gyneas are limited. So I went straight to Dr Mani’s clinic without an appointment when my GP confirmed I was pregnant with some bleeding problems. Unfortunately she wasn’t around. Her nurse pointed out that maybe I could visit the doctor next door, Dr Jemilah instead. It turns out Dr Jemilah isn’t around also and would I like to see her husband instead? Well by this time it was already late into the day ( we took EL already) and I really just wanted to get checked up immediately in case something bad was causing the bleeding. So we agreed to see Dr Ashar. He is a good doctor, but unfortunately he is (a) Male and (b) Very NOT talkative! Since this is my first pregnancy I would like a doctor who would actually tell me what’s going on. But we saw Dr Ashar twice anyway, for the bleeding. He told me it was a “treatened abortion” but the baby is ok. He gave me medication to strengthen the womb, or something like that.

I did some reading in websites and forums to find out which gyneas and hospitals are the best. My preference is of course a female, muslim gynea who is hopefully talkative and helpful and whose clinic is in a reliable hospital. After a few weeks of searching, I finally decided on one gynea. She is Dr Fauziah, who I haven’t met yet. It turns out, her clinic is NEXT DOOR to Dr Ashar.

First kick?

I know the baby will be kicking so many more times in the future, but oh dear, I was sooo excited to see my baby kick! Last Saturday we went for my third month check at our new gynea. She scanned me and suddenly told me “See, the baby’s kicking!” I took a closer look, and yes, behold, my baby is kicking! It’s really2 tiny, but you can see clearly the legs bent and kicked. The image still keeps me smiling till now.

Tips to handle "morning" sickness

I read so many useful tips on websites and books but there are a few yg I really use for my everyday battle against the hormones. First thing in the morning, before going to work or sometimes immediately after I wake up, I have to eat something to alas my stomach. I found that dry crackers or bread are the best. Sekeping je pun cukup. Somehow dapat rasa that cracker fill up the empty spaces. Kalau lupa mkn mula la rase pedih2 heartburn tu. Actually bukan morning je, any time of day kalau mula rasa pedih sikit I mkn cracker ni. Air soya pun ok jugak to relieve that “gassy” feeling. Of course every mealtime mesti makan mcm biasa, tak boleh lambat! Kalau tak mulala pedih tu dtg dan naik sampai kepala pun pening/mabuk.

Lagi satu, I learned to breathe through my mouth. This is specifically when there are smells of food around me. Worst bila lalu sebelah dapur org/kedai..pergh. So I will concentrate on my breathing, in out in out mcm org nak beranak you! Senang ckp mcm breathing when swimming la…takleh breathe in through the nose kang masuk air…tapi yg ni takleh buat lama sgt sbb lama2 rase mcm sesak napas lak…if the smell is really, really bad…kepit je hidung tu dgn tangan…one friend once suggested to use clothes pin (ala sepit baju tu) to kepit my hidung when inside the house..hehehe..mau ternganga org tgk kalau buat kat luar rumah..mcm nak buat tarian berirama dlm air tu lak..

Lagi satu ubat is sleeping! Kalau dah tak tahan sgt, peningla, mabukla, sakit badanla…paling senang is tidola…at least for a few hours tak rase sakit tu. But this one can only do on weekends or nighttime, otherwise takkan nak tido kat ofis kan?

Ok I’ve saved the best for last. This one tip was given (created?) by my dearest husband. Do you know those Vicks Inhalers that are normally used for blocked nose? My God, I don’t know what I would do without it! I’m surprised no one mentioned it in any of the websites or books. It works just like your regular minyak kapak would, except it wouldn’t bother the people around you. It’s really convenient especially for when I’m at work. Every time I feel nauseous je, sniff sniff. It doesn’t make the headache go away, but at least it makes it bearable. And also I think it stops me from vomiting. Useful gak when there are horrible food smells around. Friends from work were worried when they see me sniffing all day long. But I checked with my gynea and he said it’s ok to use it when you’re pregnant. So pregnant ladies, grab one immediately from your nearest Watson!

The symptoms

I have to say my first sign to being pregnant was the sudden increase in my sense of smell. This was before I did the pregnancy test. Bila queue up utk amik lauk lunch/brekfes, suddenly the smell of food hit me so hard and not in a good way. I would start to feel queasy and lose my appetite. My husband would be giving me that cheeky look and trying to hide a smile. After the same thing happened a few times, he was already determined that I’m pregnant. I was determined not to believe him until proven otherwise.

Next I noticed my bre*st has started to grow and making me feel uncomfortable. I blamed my current weight gain for it. But again my husband was even more convinced I was carrying and was treating me like a pregnant woman. After I tested positive, the symptoms started to kick in full force. Whenever I’m near any food, I would feel nauseous and worst when someone is cooking. My husband tried cooking for me one day and the smells made me sick the whole night and the next morning. My neighbors are mostly housewives so they cook every morning, noon and night so every mealtime I must make sure all the windows are close. Even then the unbearable smells still creep in. Needless to say I haven’t been cooking anything myself since. My appetite kept decreasing as a result. But since I’m pregnant, I can’t skip meals. So it’s a challenge for us every mealtime to figure out what to eat. There’s isn’t many options for non-smelling food, really. The first few weeks I think I lost some weight instead of gaining it like I should.

I was also getting headache and nausea almost constantly throughout the day. Whoever named “morning sickness” must’ve been a man. On a bad day I would not be able to concentrate on anything. The biggest challenge is when I am at work. I just feel like lying down and at least bang my head on something hard. Then there is that sharp “gassy” feeling in my chest which I learned was heartburn. This is a really uncomfortable symptom where you feel like there are sharp nail in your chest (esophagus?). It usually happens whenever my stomach is empty, which is very often! So I need to keep some food around me to munch on. Sometimes if I don’t have snacks around, mealtime would be really horrible because the gasses would’ve been accumulated and bubbling to come out, making me feel like vomiting the food I just ate.

Having said all that, I must say that this pregnancy is actually relatively easy. I’ve seen and read about other women with much worst symptoms. For me, although I’ve nausea, I hardly vomited. Up until now, I’ve only vomited twice and both at funny places. The first time was at a swimming pool. I went swimming with my mom in an attempt to get “fit” for this pregnancy. After only a few laps in the pool I’ve taken out my plate of nasi lemak into the drain at the side of the pool. Err, I’m pretty sure they recycle the drain water back in to pool…hehhe..ok, I’m not saying which pool now! The second time was when I was at the cinema. Luckily this time I made it to the toilet before the banana came out.

How we found out

I first got myself tested when I was 5 days late. I wasn’t going to, but my boss mentioned something about a work trip overseas so I got tested just in case. We didn’t have a “regular” clinic at the time, so pegi je one near to the office. The nurse gave me a dirty cup, without a lid! I was horrified, but went along anyway. The result was negative.

A week later, I had some bleeding which I assumed was my period. Very brief, then same thing happened the next weekend. A bunch of friends thought I should test myself again, so this time I bought a home pregnancy test kit ( I was NOT going to go through the “dirty cup” incident again!). Masa test tu I was in Perak, dekat rumah Opah. My husband excited gila waiting in front of the door while I got tested. I saw TWO red lines coming up, tapi somehow I forgot to read the instruction on how to read the results! So two lines means what?? Cpt2 I went out, told my husband I didn’t know yet, tensionla mamat tu cos dia dah excited sgt nak tau. Then in the room where I kept the box with instructions tu, ramai pulak relatives around. So I secretly took a look, and it turns out….TWO LINES means POSITIVE!!

My husband was sooo excited. So was my father in-law and my father when we told them. My mom and mother in-law seemed more calm. I myself was actually TERRIFIED!

Okay Baby, when you read this, maybe you’re thinking, ape Mummy ni, nak takut apa? Hehe..But truth be told, up to this point in my life, I have NOT hold a newborn in my arms! Seriously, kalau babies yg the neck dah strong tu I’m the first one to offer to pegang the baby, tapi kalau yg really small babies tu, never. I am scared that I will somehow drop the baby or break the neck. Some people when they get pregnant they worry about things like bila nak give birth tu sakitla….or sakit2 time pregnant etc. To me I think being pregnant itself would be a wonderful journey, pain or no pain. You can watch you baby grow and feel her/him move inside of you..it is a bonding experience like no other. As for labour pain, well, ALL your dosa will be wiped clean and you will emerge from the labour with a clean slate like a newborn yourself. Kalau meninggal pun, shahid tu. Nothing to be scared of. Tapi yg I am really really petrified about is whether or not I will be a good mother when the baby comes. I’m really scared I will be a horrible mother and disappoint my baby.

Now, 12 weeks into the pregnancy, yes, I am still terrified. But, I am also very excited and cannot wait to meet my baby. I may not be the perfect mother later, but I promise you Baby, I will try my best.

Hello Baby

I'm 12 weeks pregnant. ok, i do realise it's a bit late to start a blog for the baby.

i wanted to start earlier, but my husband seems to have better talent at telling the story on our "couple" blog. But now i'm thinking, ok, maybe one day Baby might want to hear the story from Mummy too. And by then i'm pretty sure i'd have forgotten the experience. bukan ape Baby, soon you'll find out how FORGETFUL Mummy is.

This blog is dedicated to my dear Baby.

Hopefully one day you will read this and be reminded of how much you are loved :)