adamiamelia

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

My battle

Today started off really great..I had a good night sleep, we woke up early around 7am, Adam didn't cry when my husband went off to work. He willingly had a shower with me while Mia was still sleeping. When we were done Mia woke up and I bathe her and got her ready. Around 9.30am we were out the door, Mia in my wrap and Adam walked with me. We went to Newpin, another children centre and had fun...

Around 11.40 we left, Adam still in a good mood, but starting to show signs of fatigue. Home is only 10 mins away so i thought it'll be ok. We walked...halfway there Adam stopped and said he wants some crisps from one of the shops. I said no, mommy doesn't have any money right now, let's go and have crisps at home. He hesitated but went with me anyway. We passed a couple more shops and he started to pout. Then he stopped and refused to move. I stopped and let him be for a while. Mia was in the wrap, breastfeeding. He started to show signs of tantrum...i can feel it coming. Somehow Mia was just relaxed, and i had a good day so far so i was calm....and i thought God has given me an opportunity to handle his tantrum WELL. WhenI was pregnant with Mia there are times when I got upset when he got upset, sometimes i yelled and i'm not proud of it. ok, here's my chance.

Me: Adam jom balik
Adam: No! mommy stay! (I don;'t even know when he learned the word stay)
Me: I'm going ok....* i walked away from the main road to lead him away from traffic but not towards our house*
Adam: Mommy NO! * he ran towards me and pulled my hand* 'Rumah sana!' *he showed me the direction to our house*
Me: Eh betullah Adam..rumah kat sana..mommy salah jalan...jom2 kite pegi sana...
Adam: No! Adam stay!!Adam stay! *he walked back to exact spot that he was standing*

He kept standing there for a LONG time..just frowning..then started to cry a bit..people passed by..asked him what's wrong..then asked me what wrong..I just maintained a calm expression on my face..as if this wasn't bothering me at all..I tried to persuade him to come using everything i can think of to lure him...ice cream, soup, pringles, etc...semua tak jalan...then i told him, ok let's go to the shop..he was already distraught now, he forgot that he wanted to go to the shop..he said No to shop..no to go home...and then he walked to the shop...screaming No!No! I asked the shopkeeper ' Do you take debit card?' and he said no....oh no, i really had no cash with me at all..suddenly Adam saw the crisps and said "Adam punya! Adam punya! nak! nak!'

then i called my husband hoping that maybe he can persuade Adam. But Adam refused to talked to him..he kept crying...my husband told me try to tell him lets go to Tesco and get crisps there(towards our house and they accept card). But Adam sadi No again. I asked Adam let's cross the streets, i think maybe the shop across the street will take card. But of course he refused that too...

you see, if i were alone with him i would've just lifted him up and carried him home. But i was wearing Mia on my front, she was breastfeeding and i was carrying a diaper bag too. But i looked at the bright side, hey, at least Mia wasn't crying too.

After some time trying to persuade him, I asked Adam if he wanted to go on the bus. He said ' nak..Adam masuk tu (bus)' Phew...i was so relieved...our house was only one bus stop away but whatever, as long as it got him moving...so we crossed the street and walked towards the bus stop. He was in a temporary better mood..looking for a bus to come. As luck would have it, of course there were no bus....so i told Adam let's keep walking...maybe we can get a bus there..he walked but he knew we were headed home...he kept looking for a bus..' Adam masuk, Adam masuk bus' he said...

Now we've reached the front of our building. He started crying aloud...he doesn't want to come in. I had to drag him in cos the door was starting to close and might hit him...the door closed and he started to throw a really BIg tantrum. Mia had actually fallen asleep (what a miracle with all that noise). He cried and screamed and even the porters didn't know what to do...still i focussed on keeping calm...i know that the moment i started to panic, all hell will break loose and this will never be solved...

I opened the door and walked towards the lift and he pushed hard to close the door again..I was scared he might hurt his hand because the door is really heavy...OMG..I asked the porter, can you help me look at him for a while so that i can put Mia in our house first then i will come down to get him...but he said he had something else to do..(apela punya porter....)

ok fine, we're so close now, i'm on my own, what should i do?I pulled up every strength i got left, and dragged Adam throught the door, into the lift and then out the lift. Then we reached our door, he tried to get back in the lift....another drama here pulling him in the house...OMG...penat sgt because i was still wearing Mia...oh...finally..we're in the house and i closed the door..phew...

The whole time i still kept my calm and didn't even scold him...I put Mia down in her cot. Adam was screaming like crazy..but she just slept! wow....i know for sure this must be a miracle God is giving me because he wants me to handle Adam well..it's really good motivation...so i left Mia in the room...Adam screaming around me..pulling my clothes..pulling my tudung, my wrap...asking to go out again..he was really throwing the worst tantrum i have seen him throw...I looked at the time; 12.40pm. A 10mins journey had become an hour.

I just kept relaxed and pretend like nothing is happening. I went about taking my tudung off...heating up my lunch..then eating my lunch. After a while Adam started to get really tired...his cries sounded slower...softer...I asked him, nak mkn? he said NO!!! I asked...nak peluk Mommy? he didn't answer, just a sad look on his face...i knew it was over...i hugged him and he didn't fight it...just crying softly in my arms...

and then he fell asleep...(oh yes, throwing a tanrum is hard work!)

I put him down on the sofa. I smiled and rewarded myself with a cup of coffee and an episode of Gossip girl.

ok, i know i didn't save the world or anything today but i felt i like i had been to battle and won :)

29 comments:

Dong, Dia & Azra said...

tahniah kerana telah menjadi ibu paling cool di London...hehe...kalau i pon, sure dah panick-manick dunno what to do or say...

CuppyCakeMommy said...

good job babe..i wonder if i can be as patient as u or not if my Mia act like adam in the future..sighhh

Ernie Khairina said...

heh baru je ko cakap kat previous comment kan..
aida, inspirational entry =P at least for me yg memang cepat gelabah

~Mrs Fred~ said...

aida,

having a boy is tough jugak ek.. not sure if aku boleh mcm ko.. huhu..

niwey, ada dpt my message? :p

Mommy AdaMia said...

azra,
i just got lucky today...

cuppycake,
i'm not a very patient person actually..more often than not i would lose my temper. but alhamdulillah not today :)

ernie,
itulah pasal..baru je ckp kan...huhu..

ima,
oh yes..tough..ade2 dpt. jap aku jawap...

Anonymous said...

you never failed us with your brilliant storyline.. u make us feel what u really feel; if u get what i mean..
anyway, u r truly the supermommy lah!
hugs n kisses from me for your winning battle!
~

aishah zulkifli said...

Ya Allah adam... gle r kaklong..
br dua org anak.. nsb baik mia baik je..huhu..

lailasani said...

perrrgghhhhhhh...
tahniah.. tahniah.. mmg u menang... pernah juga mhadapi tantrum si anak dara.. tp anak dara dan anak teruna punya tantrum sure berbeza.... adam.. adam...

Mommy AdaMia said...

aina,
i'm no supermommy..there are more battles lost than battles won (lost to my own anger) but yesterday was definitely a big win, so i should write it down to motivate myself and hopefully others too, to be more patient and win more battles :)

acah,
tulah..baru 2 anak...uwaaa...bayangkan nenek 13 org!huhu...

laila,
i pernah tgk jugak anak dara punya tanrum (anak org lainla) pun sama teruk jugak..hehe..dugaan la untuk kite jadik mak ye tak..takpe mmg natural kadang2 anak2 umur ni throw tantrum kan..dia pun manusia mcm kita..ade good days, ade bad days..

rahmah said...

kak aida, ive been your silent reader all these while ;) suka baca cte2 akak pasal yr babies. and entry ni rs post plg banyak actions! ;)

mOmmy of Triplets plus One said...

you certainly did win a battle dear :D

chun said...

wah..adam dah pandai ckp betul ek skang? (lain pulak komen aku)hehe..
anyway, aku paham dot. muizz yg baru 11 bulan tu pun dah pandai merajuk, nangis kuat2. inikan la pulak adam yg dah 2 taun and dah bijak tu. tp syukur mia is a good girl. hopefully my 2nd baby nanti baik+sopan gakla sbb abg die ni mcm ade ciri2 suke buat chaos je..huhu!

kemaryahya said...

mesun, bile nak beranak anak kedua tu? in the making ke? hahahaha. honeymoon kat singapore nnti. ;D
aida, great! macam paham je bab nak control anger tu..huhu.
btw, aku cam wondering, cemana ko bf smbil letak mia carrier tu? konpius..
and...yes..reward urself with gg. aku sgt sukeeeee!

nannoor said...

aduhaiii aida...
good job babe because u managed to remain calm and cool with all the tantrum.
tasneem lately memang selalu throw tantrum and it really pisses me me off!
everytime dia ngamuk2, i will get pissed off and end up i will scold or shout at her back.
:(
its not the right way, tp masa tu tensen-nyeeeeee Allah aje yg tahu.
kena sabar banyak2 ...

schazzy said...

hi aida~ adam's tantrum sama like my son esp the part yg nak kluar rumah after dah masuk tu...huhu..mmg x bole punye with another baby around and you're alone wihtout another adult..sometimes he even requests for dukung while i'm carrying his little sister..mmg terpaksa biar dia nangis...the tip is always to remain gracious under pressure..hahaha..which sometimes can be quite impossible esp if it involves him crying outloud sampai semua org dgr..tp yes, when it is all over, rasa a big achievement telah tercapai becos u didnt lose ur temper....(errr, sometimes ter-lose jugak)..tp yg i perasan, usually kids ni throw tantrum when he is actually tired and sleepy tp xmo tido...

fizahfauzi said...

aku pun nak komen cam maisun; 'adam dah boleh buat ayat pendek'

aida, mcm baca buku cerita boleh

Mamamarina said...

Aida. good job babe!! bdak2 mmg kite x boleh nk expect diorang punyer perangai sume.. mmg dulu pon aku byk lost temper.. skang bdak2 besar macam tu.. yg dah faham cakap .. kalo ko reverse psychology pon ok.. mcm kat anak2 aku.. aku ckp mase diorang tgh perangai tu.. "kalau Mama byk sgt marah2nanti Mama sakit, kalau Mama sakit macamane nk jage korang sume??" and it works rather than yelling at them back.. that was a trueeeeeeee lessopn I learnt! the keyword is 'reverse pshycology' heh..

anyway good to know that u guys arrived safely at ur HOME..

mate said...

well done aida! one day bila adam dah besar pandai baca blog ni, he sure will appreciate u more =)

Ablen Eusoff said...

proud of you...wish i can be as sabar as you too...praying really hard.

fathinz md nor said...

aida, kite kagum..!
kite pun tgh try sabar ngan rayyan, dah start pandai nk attention bile im breastfeeding Jannah.. masa tu la dia nk mintak mcm2. dah lah berpantang sorg2. mmg menguji kesabaran.

headbart said...

Heheheh!!

One of the best entries from you Kak Aida!

Remind me of my Mother and 7 year old bro 3-4 years ago.

Sangat bangga dengan ibu-ibu yang mempunyai kesabaran tinggi cam ni. And hope I will have that kind of patience too. inshaAllah.

AYUKIRANA said...

aida, a'ala mcm baca buku cerita, tiru ayt fizah...aku syok gile kalo bace cerita2 ko aida, karangan ko tuh aku bg 200%, hehe..i can imagine every single thing, street, bus stop, lift, and the hero of course, hehe..tp cemana ko bf mia aida, i cannot imagine AT ALL???share sket aida..

ha'anye mesun, bila nk ank kedua tuh??hehe, kat universal studiola ;p

kema, i'll reply the email soon..i've LOTS in my head..

Mommy AdaMia said...

rahmah,
tq for reading my blog :)

munirah,
you would know. with 3 babies i bet you must've won many battles yourself :)

chun,
a'ah..kat msia dia byk tambah vocab..as for Mia, itulah aku ckp miracle..she's not always so calm, tibe2 tgh2 bising tu boleh tido lak..

kemar,
senang giler bf pakai wrap kemar.aku dah bf merata2 tmpt..sambil shopping lah..naik bas..jalan2..sambil ckp2 ngan org pun boleh.. ok nanti aku demonstrate. next video ok?

nannoor,
i understand that too well. esp masa pregnant.. cpt sgt nak naik marah..and scold him back. but later i will regret it so much menangis2 bila tgk dia sleep...takpe..kite boleh change..one battle at a time :)

schazzy,
betul tu..preventing tantrum is easier than handling it. lepas ni i made sure my diaper bag packed with lots of food..including crisps..hehe..then make sure bwk duit..make sure he's not too tired..etc..

fizah,
bestlah stage dgr dia buat2 ayat pendek ni..lawak pun ade..

marina,
aku taktaula anak aku tu nak ke dgr aku ckp ayat panjang2 camtu...salu aku ckp kan dia dgr part yg blakang jer...hehe...

mate,
mmg he (and all children, really) deserves our patience. nak cari kesabaran tu yg payah...fuh..ntah2 bila adam baca ni besok dia kata: aik yeke mommy sabar?adam ingat part yg dok hilang sabar tu jer....' hehe...

ablen,
i'm praying i can be this sabar everyday..unfortunately...hmm..

kak fathin,
bukan senang ye handle 2 org anak kecik..barulah saya tau..kadang diorg ni lps sorang, sorang lagi mintak attention..amik giliran pulak..hehe..

headbart,
thank you..doakan akak terus sabar...

hada,
hahahah entry panjang sgt ni korang sume dok komen mcm karangan! ok nanti aku buat video tunjuk camne nak bf dlm wrap k..

SlingMeMama said...

aida. wau, the same thing happens to me. that was duirng confinement, irfan is 1mo. my BIL come to visit. need to go down bcoz the lift cant be used by stranger. need access card for operating. so i go down with irfan in my sling, and holding anis hand. my husband parking his car at another block. so cant wait for him, i jemput my BIL to come to my house, pressing the lift and anis start to upset. she dun want to go back to the house. she to have a walk to the kedai mamak. after lots of persuading, i cant take it anymore. i just hold irfan securely in the sling, then using my whole stregth to carry anis into the lift. crying and wailing. amazingly, i dun angry/yelling at anis, and irfan too sleep like a log.amazing. my BIL wanna help but it makes anis cry more loudly. i just put him in the bed, after tired with crying, fell asleep. almost same story. i reward my self with cup of milo coz i can calm myself in that chaotic situation which i dun beleive it my self. what amazing motherhood journey. these kids teach us to be patient.

Mommy Lyna said...

Td I g pcfair, Hafiy & Fahry both nk I dokong! Nasib kat situ bising, xdela bingit sgt anak2 I nangis. Finally I chose to dokong fahry cos suara dia lg just plus dia ada tendency utk terjun dr dokongan org lain.

What I did was just let him cos xde choice. My husband pegi byr barang. I pujuk belikan Ribena pn xjln. Finally Hafiy stopped bile tgk fahry main straw & dia Sudi nk minum.

Haha why I'm telling U about this. Cos xleh story in my blog. Kat sini xpe org xknl I ekeke.

Btw Hafiy has gone the same phase dgn Adam. Beza lahir pun sehari je. Hehe.

aishah zulkifli said...

kaklong,ngah kate kaklong buat lah buku..tulis buku..hehe..
kaklong cte buat org rs best..
buat buku psl baby pulakk ke..hahah!!

Mommy AdaMia said...

shida,
they definitely do teach us to be patient..i can tell you i'm not a patient person...tapi kene blaja sikit2 lps ade anak ni..

along,
ape pasal pulak takleh cite kat blog you?tantrum kat public place lagi challenging kan?mainly because we have to get over ourselves yg feel embarrassed sbb pikir that other people would think we're bad mothers. i guess both adam and hafiy are at this stage right now..tantrums are not out of the norm..

acah,
cantek idea ngah tu...zaman2 muda dulu ade impian nak jadi writer tapi taktau nak tulis buku pasal ape..

wee chen said...

Hi how are you? I hope i can be like you, always win the "battle"! :P

just wonder, u breastfeed in the wrap? how? i'm trying, but failed...any tips to share?

Thank you so much! :)

myra said...

hi, i bumped into ur blog, u were really calm and patient! Good example for us mothers. I'm a mother of only one sometimes she gets on my nerves, belum reall tantrum lagi! nway, will think of how calm u were and try to do the same! : )

and yess... how did u breastfeed ur baby in the wrap, pls share!

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