My battle

Today started off really great..I had a good night sleep, we woke up early around 7am, Adam didn't cry when my husband went off to work. He willingly had a shower with me while Mia was still sleeping. When we were done Mia woke up and I bathe her and got her ready. Around 9.30am we were out the door, Mia in my wrap and Adam walked with me. We went to Newpin, another children centre and had fun...

Around 11.40 we left, Adam still in a good mood, but starting to show signs of fatigue. Home is only 10 mins away so i thought it'll be ok. We walked...halfway there Adam stopped and said he wants some crisps from one of the shops. I said no, mommy doesn't have any money right now, let's go and have crisps at home. He hesitated but went with me anyway. We passed a couple more shops and he started to pout. Then he stopped and refused to move. I stopped and let him be for a while. Mia was in the wrap, breastfeeding. He started to show signs of tantrum...i can feel it coming. Somehow Mia was just relaxed, and i had a good day so far so i was calm....and i thought God has given me an opportunity to handle his tantrum WELL. WhenI was pregnant with Mia there are times when I got upset when he got upset, sometimes i yelled and i'm not proud of it. ok, here's my chance.

Me: Adam jom balik
Adam: No! mommy stay! (I don;'t even know when he learned the word stay)
Me: I'm going ok....* i walked away from the main road to lead him away from traffic but not towards our house*
Adam: Mommy NO! * he ran towards me and pulled my hand* 'Rumah sana!' *he showed me the direction to our house*
Me: Eh betullah Adam..rumah kat sana..mommy salah jalan...jom2 kite pegi sana...
Adam: No! Adam stay!!Adam stay! *he walked back to exact spot that he was standing*

He kept standing there for a LONG time..just frowning..then started to cry a bit..people passed by..asked him what's wrong..then asked me what wrong..I just maintained a calm expression on my face..as if this wasn't bothering me at all..I tried to persuade him to come using everything i can think of to lure him...ice cream, soup, pringles, etc...semua tak jalan...then i told him, ok let's go to the shop..he was already distraught now, he forgot that he wanted to go to the shop..he said No to shop..no to go home...and then he walked to the shop...screaming No!No! I asked the shopkeeper ' Do you take debit card?' and he said no....oh no, i really had no cash with me at all..suddenly Adam saw the crisps and said "Adam punya! Adam punya! nak! nak!'

then i called my husband hoping that maybe he can persuade Adam. But Adam refused to talked to him..he kept crying...my husband told me try to tell him lets go to Tesco and get crisps there(towards our house and they accept card). But Adam sadi No again. I asked Adam let's cross the streets, i think maybe the shop across the street will take card. But of course he refused that too...

you see, if i were alone with him i would've just lifted him up and carried him home. But i was wearing Mia on my front, she was breastfeeding and i was carrying a diaper bag too. But i looked at the bright side, hey, at least Mia wasn't crying too.

After some time trying to persuade him, I asked Adam if he wanted to go on the bus. He said ' nak..Adam masuk tu (bus)' Phew...i was so relieved...our house was only one bus stop away but whatever, as long as it got him moving...so we crossed the street and walked towards the bus stop. He was in a temporary better mood..looking for a bus to come. As luck would have it, of course there were no bus....so i told Adam let's keep walking...maybe we can get a bus there..he walked but he knew we were headed home...he kept looking for a bus..' Adam masuk, Adam masuk bus' he said...

Now we've reached the front of our building. He started crying aloud...he doesn't want to come in. I had to drag him in cos the door was starting to close and might hit him...the door closed and he started to throw a really BIg tantrum. Mia had actually fallen asleep (what a miracle with all that noise). He cried and screamed and even the porters didn't know what to do...still i focussed on keeping calm...i know that the moment i started to panic, all hell will break loose and this will never be solved...

I opened the door and walked towards the lift and he pushed hard to close the door again..I was scared he might hurt his hand because the door is really heavy...OMG..I asked the porter, can you help me look at him for a while so that i can put Mia in our house first then i will come down to get him...but he said he had something else to do..(apela punya porter....)

ok fine, we're so close now, i'm on my own, what should i do?I pulled up every strength i got left, and dragged Adam throught the door, into the lift and then out the lift. Then we reached our door, he tried to get back in the lift....another drama here pulling him in the house...OMG...penat sgt because i was still wearing Mia...oh...finally..we're in the house and i closed the door..phew...

The whole time i still kept my calm and didn't even scold him...I put Mia down in her cot. Adam was screaming like crazy..but she just slept! wow....i know for sure this must be a miracle God is giving me because he wants me to handle Adam well..it's really good motivation...so i left Mia in the room...Adam screaming around me..pulling my clothes..pulling my tudung, my wrap...asking to go out again..he was really throwing the worst tantrum i have seen him throw...I looked at the time; 12.40pm. A 10mins journey had become an hour.

I just kept relaxed and pretend like nothing is happening. I went about taking my tudung off...heating up my lunch..then eating my lunch. After a while Adam started to get really tired...his cries sounded slower...softer...I asked him, nak mkn? he said NO!!! I asked...nak peluk Mommy? he didn't answer, just a sad look on his face...i knew it was over...i hugged him and he didn't fight it...just crying softly in my arms...

and then he fell asleep...(oh yes, throwing a tanrum is hard work!)

I put him down on the sofa. I smiled and rewarded myself with a cup of coffee and an episode of Gossip girl.

ok, i know i didn't save the world or anything today but i felt i like i had been to battle and won :)