Mengidam

Strangely, or should I say fortunately, I so far have not had any crazy cravings or ckp melayunya mengidamla kan. However, I have developed rather weird eating habits. Masa mula2 pregnant dulu, mostly food with the least smell is my choice, but this one tak weirdla, because of the nausea. Also, somehow my tongue had a slightly elevated tolerance to hot/spicy food. I read that expecting mothers should avoid spicy food in their diet but somehow makanan yg pedas2 tu yg boleh tolerate.

After a while my nausea got less and less and I developed a new habit. If given the choice I’d settle for only a particular sort of food. At lunch we’ll go to the usual kedai makcik, and I’ll always order the same thing; mee goreng. At dinnertime my husband would ask what I would like to eat tonight and my answer is always the same; bihun tomyam. I keep repeating this day after day. I got worried my baby won’t get the needed vitamins/protein etc because there was no variety at all to my diet, plus I realise how boring it is to eat the same thing day in and day out. But again come mealtime, and I just could not think of anything else appetizing. Lately, I started wanting rojak ayam from mamak repeatedly, which I never would’ve ordered before I got pregnant. There was also one phase when I wanted to eat Mcdonald’s double cheese and fries all the time, which is peculiar because my husband and I tak pernah pegi mkn Mcdonalds even since our dating days, unless mmg dah takde food lain.

Another weird thing is my pregnant appetite seems to avoid fried rice. Before this kat kedai makcik tu I would order its special “nasi goreng biasa” which is so sedap that I’ve influenced my colleagues and boss at work until diorg yg mengidam this nasi goreng. But now I never order it anymore, or any other types of fried rice from any other kedai. Usually if I’m somewhere else without access to usual mee goreng or bihun tomyam, I’ll order some other type of noodle or western food, but no rice.

Ada jugak teringin mkn other food, but these are just food that I mmg suka mkn, bukan sbb mengidam, I think, because if I don’t get them pun, no problem, takdelah menangis2 tgh mlm tak dpt aiskrim perasa durian belanda ke..things like that kan. Yg ada is just food yg mengada nak mkn.

One time I wanted durian, so a few times my husband got them for me. I ate a lot of them too before I found out pregnant ladies are not encouraged to eat durian. My gynea told me, boleh mkn, but sederhana la, maybe seulas dua? Ooops, I’ve eaten at least sebijik durian by myself in one sitting. Itu tak kire the next day makan lagi sebijik. But I heard you shouldn’t eat it because of the high temperature you get after eating durian, so my reasoning is since I was lucky that I had no problems with temperature rising, takpelah kot? (my husband said alah ayang ni ckp camtu sbb nak mkn lagila tu durian..hehe).

One time I wanted to eat Chinese food. We rarely get Chinese food here, but in the UK we used to go to this halal Chinese restaurant all the time. Tapi mcmana nak gi Sheffield ni? I remembered when I was little my father used to take us to this really good Chinese restaurant (To my brother: Imi, ingat tak kedai ni, Muhibbah ke apa nama dia, ada lift utk hantar food ke tingkat atas). I asked my dad but since his sickness his memory is rather rusty. His old self would’ve remembered the restaurant immediately together with how to get there, and with shortcuts, probably. Finally my husband took me to another restaurant, suggested by a friend.

Satu je yg blom dapat lagi…terubuk bakar..Anybody knows kat mana ada jual?

Other than these, adalah jugak teringin itu ini but takdelah yg desperate. I just want to write them down for fun in case later when my Baby grows up I could check whether his/her eating habits have any similarities with the food I eat/crave when carrying. I must say though that the amazing thing with being pregnant is that everyone around me seems to pay a lot of attention to whatever I say I want to eat. Everyone keep handing me food and trying to feed me. Sebut je apa dpt..hehe..Lucky me. Lucky you also, Baby, because you get to eat what I eat =)

Baby kicks

For the past week I’ve been feeling as though I could feel my baby move inside my belly. But at first I could only feel them when I’m lying down quietly with both my hands on my tummy. The movements are so soft and brief that I thought I was only imagining them. But lately it has occurred more frequently so I asked my husband to try and put his hands on my tummy too whenever I thought the baby might be kicking. He felt it too! So it wasn’t just my imagination!

Now I think I’m able to recognise the movement even when I’m moving about doing normal things. I can differentiate it from other things going on inside the tummy like gas or constipation (ok you didn’t need to know about that huh). The size of my tummy has doubled up in the past couple of weeks so I suppose the baby has gotten bigger too. The kicking has increased in frequency and impact. Most of the time it’s at the lower part of the belly, on the righthand side. I’m assuming the legs are there..probably? Sometimes I feel it kicking at work, while watching tv, or even while sleeping. One time, I was sleepy in the morning n malas nak get up for my subuh prayers, tiba2 baby kick byk2 kali betul! Wow mcm perli Mummy dia je? Hehehe..nak kejut subuh kot..alhamdulillah rajin solat agaknya my baby ni..hehe

The feeling I get when I first felt the baby kick is very difficult to explain. It’s an excitement unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. At first it’s more of disbelief, mcm tak caya je betul2 something living inside of me..it looks so small. After some time mmg excited gila bila rasa baby gerak, although I think my husband dah bored already of my asking him to hold my tummy whenever I feel something..hehe..But I don’t think I can ever get bored with it. Kalau dia kick je I feel like the baby is telling me something. Like last time I was watching American idol and baby keep kicking wildly whenever Blake sings, but not when Jordin sings. Maybe it’s a sign of protest la? Tak sedap sgt ke Blake nyanyi Baby?haha..mmg tak sedap pun..your Daddy je yg suka Blake..hehe

I’m reaching my 5 months milestone. Can’t wait for my next appointment so I can see my baby again!

Emotional roller coaster

Ever since I fell pregnant I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Partly because of the big change we will be having in our lives with the addition of a new baby but mostly the reason is the hormones going havoc in my body.

At first I didn’t really notice it but as the days passed, I realise I could suddenly change emotion for little or no reason at all. One second I would be feeling upbeat, the next moment suddenly I feel like crying. The person who has to face all this sudden mood changes is of course my husband. Many times for no apparent reason at all, I would be feeling upset with him. I began to notice that this is not his fault but is in fact the crazy hormones’ fault when at these moments of anger/sadness, I would also be feeling upset with other people around me, not just him alone. In my head I would be thinking of things that I’m angry about with many random people. So now I learn to control it by just keeping it in my head instead of blowing it at my husband. Sometimes I go to a room alone and cry it out. The feeling usually pass after a few tears. This being said, still, banyak jugak terlepas my emotional attack at my husband. But I think he’s really clever at handling this. Normally when I suddenly fall silent and buat muka masam, he will nicely ask what’s wrong and wait patiently until I’m calmer. Sometimes he comes up with jokes or funny ayat jiwang to cheer me up.

To my husband, I’m so sorry for making you go through all that. But thank you so much for understanding :)

To my Baby, I’m so sorry if you heard any of my nasty thoughts during these phases of anger, or if my emotional change had any physical effect on you. I will try harder to control it.

The positive part is that although I’m quick to become passionately upset, I’m also quick to become passionately happy / loving. Many times during the day I would suddenly feel so in love with my husband or the baby. Although a second ago I was feeling angry at my husband, out of the blue I would forget whatever it was I was upset about and started feeling happy again.

I notice that I could also cry easily while watching TV. I realise that again this is because of the hormones because sometimes I cry at scenes that I’ve already seen before (but didn’t cry the first time I see it).

It’s amazing the changes your body goes through during a pregnancy. But acknowledging this is important so that I know people around me are not to blame for it.

To everyone around me, if I suddenly snap at you for no reason, I do apologise and pls don't take it personally. It's not you, it's the hormones =)

4th month check up

On Monday we went to the gynea for our monthly check up. Suddenly on the way there, actually dah sampai Ampang pun, I realized that our appointment was actually for Tuesday, not Monday! But luckily we were the earliest at the clinic so the nurse said she’ll fit us in whenever possible. We didn’t have to wait for very long.

This is the first time we saw Dr Fauziah. She turns out to be perfect. She’s a female, muslim (pakai tudung labuh lagi), nice and professional, talkative and also very thorough. During the check up she scanned my baby for a long time from every angle and recorded its movement. She took time to point out where’s the uri, the baby’s cord, head, legs, hands and heartbeat. She said masyaAllah and appeared to be as touched as we were when the baby turned and moved. She answered our questions, even when my husband asked her bila roh ditiupkan kedlm baby. She clearly explained what pills she will be giving me and why I need them. Overall I was very satisfied with the visit. She gave us a CD of the baby’s movement! Usually we just get a print out of a picture from the scan. Baby, now we can see you moving whenever we like! Afterwards we went to the lab to get my blood sample taken. I gained another kg, thank God. I was worried that my tummy seemed so small for a 4 month pregnant lady (nampak cam buncit je, bukan pregnant) but the doctor assured me that the size is as expected.

After the visit I was smiling for hours thinking about the baby’s movement and about how I lucky I am to be pregnant with this beautiful baby. I’m already 4 months now, already halfway and it feels like time is passing so quickly. Pregnancy is turning out to be such a magical experience. I think I will miss it a lot once it’s over. Next month’s check up, we’ll have a “Detail Scan” where we’ll scan each of the baby’s organs – kidney, liver, heart etc.

Baby, maybe next month you’ll tell us whether you’re a boy or a girl! I can’t wait!

My husband

The one thing that has been keeping my sanity, my health, my well-being and my temper in control during this pregnancy is…my husband.

I have read and heard stories of other people’s husbands and how they behave during their wives pregnancy. From the most horrible, to the most wonderful. But none of them could even compare to the amazing patience, love, care and sheer selflessness that my husband has shown me throughout our marriage, and especially during my pregnancy.

Every morning, he lets me shower first while he prepares a mug of steaming Anmum for me. He reminds me to eat a cracker with it, to help with my morning sickness. He makes up the bed and feed the fish. He drives me to work and have breakfast with me. At work I call or email him with pregnant-related complaints and he would listen patiently and always gives good advises and calms me down. At lunch he entertains my every demand on what to eat. And when the smell bothers me he takes me to the table far away from food and makes sure I have my Vicks Inhaler with me. He calms me down, gives me a backrub/head massage and reminds me to breathe slowly whenever I feel like vomiting in public places. When we get home in the evening, it is usually the time of the day when my body and my mood are at its worst. He listens to all my complaints and hugs me to make me feel better. He is patient with my sudden tempers and the constant changes in my moods. He gives me a massage everyday; head, back, neck, shoulder, legs..whichever hurts the most that day. He makes sure I get enough rest and lie down in front of the tv. He buys me dinner, whatever I am in the mood for. He lets me have the remote and even watch whatever I’m watching with me. He reminds me to eat my pills, and when the doctors started prescribing me with really big ones, he sings “Hai obat hai obat mari makan obat, kalo tak makan melompat” to cheer me up while I struggle to eat them. Whenever I’m too tired and fell asleep in front of the tv, he picks me up and take me to the bedroom. While we’re lying down together, he touches my tummy and talks to the baby. Everyday, he makes me feel like the luckiest woman in the entire universe.

For all of that and a million more that he has done for me, I am truly grateful.

I really wish I could make him as happy as he has made me.

I love you so much sayang…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY…

To my Baby, ALWAYS remember Daddy’s birthday ok…he is very, very special..

Weird Dreams

Normally I’m the kind of person who rarely remembers her dreams. But ever since I fell pregnant, I’ve been having all sorts of vivid, creepy dreams.

Many times I had dreams in which I fought furiously with my husband. Most these dreams will end up in me crying and screaming at the top of my voice, usually throwing things as well. In the dreams my husband will be intentionally ignoring me and driving me crazy, which is weird because he never does that. One time, I was crying loudly in my sleep that my husband had to wake me up. In one dream, my husband was having an affair with a friend of mine from university. It turns out the next day we met her at our university alumni dinner. While we were queuing for food my husband accidentally touched her back thinking it was me standing in front of him. Both she and my husband were horrified. I found it hilarious.

I also had dreams in which my friends die horrible deaths, usually murdered. Once, in the dream no one died but a bunch of people including myself was thrown into a field where leeches (lintah) are bred and we were the “food”. Everybody was putting leeches in their bodies and letting them eat their blood. One girl had leeches visibly crawling inside her skin that the “facilitator” had to take a sharp knife and slice the skin near her neck to get the leeches out. It was terrible, I tell you.

In one dream, ok this is a really bizarre one, I saw a couple of lesbians making out (NO, I was NOT one of them!). One of the girls was a finalist from American’s Next Top Model.

Some dreams involve babies too. I had one where I meet my baby boy who is 2 months old at the time. Somehow I was missing in his life the previous 2 months. My mother was taking care of him and he didn’t know me at all. But at 2 months he can already talk and call my mother Mama. I woke up while I was desperately teaching him to call me Mummy. Last night I had a dream where I was taking care of a little girl. This one was a little older and while we were having a bath together she had a poop and I tried to clean it up. But I couldn’t and there was shit everywhere! Suddenly the girl was already climbing into the kolah to play in it and now there’s shit inside the kolah too.

Tell me, do all pregnant moms have these dreams?

Doctors

When I found out I was pregnant, the only gynea I’ve heard of was Dr Kuppuvellu Mani from Ampang Puteri. Truth is, almost all my friends are either unmarried or married without a child yet. So understandably my source of info on gyneas are limited. So I went straight to Dr Mani’s clinic without an appointment when my GP confirmed I was pregnant with some bleeding problems. Unfortunately she wasn’t around. Her nurse pointed out that maybe I could visit the doctor next door, Dr Jemilah instead. It turns out Dr Jemilah isn’t around also and would I like to see her husband instead? Well by this time it was already late into the day ( we took EL already) and I really just wanted to get checked up immediately in case something bad was causing the bleeding. So we agreed to see Dr Ashar. He is a good doctor, but unfortunately he is (a) Male and (b) Very NOT talkative! Since this is my first pregnancy I would like a doctor who would actually tell me what’s going on. But we saw Dr Ashar twice anyway, for the bleeding. He told me it was a “treatened abortion” but the baby is ok. He gave me medication to strengthen the womb, or something like that.

I did some reading in websites and forums to find out which gyneas and hospitals are the best. My preference is of course a female, muslim gynea who is hopefully talkative and helpful and whose clinic is in a reliable hospital. After a few weeks of searching, I finally decided on one gynea. She is Dr Fauziah, who I haven’t met yet. It turns out, her clinic is NEXT DOOR to Dr Ashar.